"Both optimists and pessimists  contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist  the parachute." --- George Bernard Shaw

I've flown every seat on this  airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by  idiots?" --- Don Taylor

The three worst things to hear in  the cockpit: The second officer says, "Damn it!" The first officer says, "I  have an idea!" The captain says, "Hey, watch this!"

"In the Alaska bush I'd rather have  a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa." --- Kurt  Wien

Lady, you want me to answer you if  this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to  be this old?  

 The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional  to the temperature of your coffee. --- Gunter's Second Law of Air  Travel

"The scientific theory I like best  is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."  --- Mark Russell

"When asked why he was referred to  as 'Ace: "Because during World War Two, I was responsible for the destruction  of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy."--- Captain Ray Lancaster,  USAAF

If helicopters are so safe, how  come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins? ---  Anonymous

Death is just nature's way of  telling you to watch your airspeed. --- Anonymous

"I never liked riding in  helicopters because there's a fair probability the bottom part will get going  around as fast as the top part." --- Lt. Col. John Wittenborn,  USAFR

"When it comes to testing new  aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about  "pushing the envelope."  They're talking about a two dimensional model:  the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is  max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course.  So, the pilots  are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope.  What everybody  tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled, too."  --- Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.

"It only takes five  years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure." --- Dick  Markgraf

"Real planes use only a single  stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters -- in that order -- need  two." --- Paul Slattery

As a new copilot on an airliner, I  was told to say these three things and to otherwise keep my mouth shut and not  touch anything:
1. Clear on the  right

2. Outer (marker) on the double  (indicator)

3. I'll eat the chicken

As an aviator in  flight you can do anything you want...  As long as it's right...   And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.

You can't fly  forever without getting killed.

As a pilot only  two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:

a. One day you  will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an  airplane.

b. One day you  will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an  airplane..

Any flight  over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal  engine noises and vibrations.

There are Rules  and there are Laws.  The rules are made by men who think that they know  better how to fly your airplane than you.  Laws (of Physics) were made by  the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you  can never suspend the Laws.

More about  Rules:
a. The rules are  a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute  it.

b. If you  deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly  under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
 
The pilot is the  highest form of life on earth.

The ideal pilot  is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

About check  rides:

a. The only real  objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your  airplane.

b. It has never  occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the  examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

The medical  profession is the natural enemy of the aviation  profession.

The job of the  Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the  abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their  only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on  it.

Ever notice the only experts who decree  the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything?   Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings the pilot's day is over I  know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted  aircraft.

It is absolutely  imperative the pilot be unpredictable.  Rebelliousness is very  predictable.  In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way  to be unpredictable. He who demands everything his aircraft can give him is a  pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

If you're gonna  fly low, do not fly slow!  ASW (Anti-Submarine Warfare) pilots know this  only too well.

It is solely the  pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his  aircraft.

If you can learn  how to fly as an Ensign or a Second Lieutenant, and not forget how to fly by  the time you're a Commander or Colonel, you will have lived a happy  life.

Night  flying:
a. Remember that  the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear,  moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are  certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're  going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count  your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night  formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each  other.
f. You would  have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few  drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine  night weather flight.

One of the most  important skills a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that  were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's  attention.

At the end of  the day, the controllers, operations supervisors, maintenance guys, weather  guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let  them!

The concept of  "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at  pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another  way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

Remember the  radio is only an electronic suggestion for the pilot. Sometimes the only way  to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

It is a tacit,  yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the  human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always  threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.

Remember when  flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but  hopefully your instructor pilot never taught you "pull stick back, plane go  up".

Mastering the  prohibited maneuvers in the Operations Manual is one of the best forms of  aviation life insurance you can get.

A tactic done  twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion  above)

The aircraft  G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular  airplane.  If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no  G-limits.  That's the only thing I wish Airbus understood better. --  Tommy

One of the  beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social  experience.

If a mother has  the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had  better teach him to put things back where he got them.